Starting A New Chapter

Cliche, right? Deal.

I've taken the biggest step ever in getting healthy-I am hiring a trainer. Not just any trainer-my buddy, Jay. I plan on starting with him next week and I'm pretty nervous about it. I know having someone like Jay to push and encourage me is going to help-I'm just ashamed of how out of shape I probably am.

I know I have pretty decent endurance. I've done dance-heavy musicals and never gotten sore. I can dance for hours without even thinking about it. I think that's why I don't do so well in the gym. My mind gets distracted, I get tired of staring at my nasty sweaty self in the mirror and I just want to go soak in a bath. I also get frustrated when I don't get the results I want. I can say that I have no idea what to do in a gym. I don't know how to target certain areas. I don't know how many reps to do of anything. Jay definitely has his work cut out for him, but since we are friends and I totally trust him, I have confidence that, with his help, I can get moving in the right direction.

There's some major things I have to keep in mind. I've GOT to start buying groceries-and not just the quick stuff. I need to eat more fruits and veggies. I need to buy granola and yogurt to make parfaits. I CAN and WILL do this! Plus, it sucks to throw down $100 all at once, but it sure as heck beats paying $6 a pop for fast food!

I have to remember that I'm only going to be training with Jay twice a week. That leaves 5 other days where I'm on my own. I have to keep up the will-power to get my butt to the gym and practice the things he's teaching me.

And, most of all, I WILL NOT LET OTHER PEOPLE BRING ME DOWN! Some of my best friends are showing signs of disapproval (jealousy? laziness? who knows.) and it's so frustrating. I'm doing this so that, one day, I can play hide and go seek with my kids in the yard-not so I can win a Miss Hawaiian Tropics bikini contest! I'm doing this so I can (prayerfully) ward of cancer-unlike both of my parents, grandparents, etc. Sure, there are physical attributes that I'm not happy with. I'd love to wear designer sample pieces. But honestly, that's not what this is about.

I'll be blogging as much as I can about my journey. I'm not brave enough to put my weight and measurements online, but I'll post my progress as I lose pounds and inches. Maybe in the end, when I feel like I've reached my goal, I'll be so bold as to post it all. We'll see.

And finally, a little rant: Why is it that men are "allowed" to be a little bigger but women are seen as "fat" as soon as they get one too many curve? I get it. Sex sells. Always has, always will. But enough is enough! Some of the most beautiful people are not models-Adele, Melissa McCarthy, post-diet Jennifer Hudson. Sure, being unhealthy is not something to be proud of, but I think any journey starts with loving yourself.

Do I love myself? Honestly? No. I'm really hard on myself. I think that's why I'm so scared. I'm afraid of failure.

So here it goes. My journey starts now. I'm going to give it my all.